Last week saw the Spring Equinox when day and night are of almost equal measures. I had intended to write at the time, as the Equinox felt like a significant marker in the Year Of My Soul. Yet I was busy. Making other things a priority over my writing.
Initially I berated myself for not acknowledging this pivotal point and then I gradually I softened, surrendered to the moment and have since used the lapsed time to reflect upon precisely what the significance of the Equinox meant for me.
So I write retrospectively.
The Spring Equinox signals the beginning of Spring. Once again we notice the renewal of the earth as plants begin to bloom and animals come out of hibernation.
And with the power of the sun increasing, it felt as if this equinoctial point was presenting a beautiful metaphor for my life.
A pivotal time, coming from the darkness into the light. Coming out of the hibernation that I described at the start of this journey.
Here I am moving through the transitional stage. A new life emerging little by little and just like a birth, I’m aware there are still a few contractions to push through.
It got me thinking about the law of polarity and how everything that exists has an equal opposite.
For every concern there is a corresponding joy, each night brings a new day, yin and yang, black and white, hot and cold. This universal law states that these things are the same, just at opposing ends of a spectrum. Within one there is always the potential for the other and that it is our perception that determines our experience.
My journaling has illuminated a distinct lack of simplicity over the last few weeks.
Oh the irony, life has been handing me the opposite of what I desire. Therefore I must indeed be focusing on the complexity of events, the chaos and mess. And what we focus on attracts more of the same.
I’m a believer that life presents us with lessons that we take repeatedly, magnifying in volume until finally, the penny drops.
We get little warnings, nudges that increase until they basically knock us over when we don’t realise our lessons.
Since the Equinox I’ve grown some understanding around my biggest lesson in learning to let go.
My behaviour habitually has to be to cling on to things in an attempt to create favourable outcomes when in reality I have absolutely no control over the outcome. This is probably the fastest path to suffering, whilst letting go and surrender is the path to freedom and happiness.
I know this.
Intellectually at least.
Yet knowing and acting upon that knowing are entirely different matters.
So I choose to gently unravel a lifetime of neural pathways and forge new healthier ones in their place.
For me this means letting go of what is no longer mine to worry about.
Letting go of being too available and creating new boundaries.
Letting go of the potential destructive interaction that occasionally occurs when I fall into the role of rescuer – (Google Karpman Triangle).
Allowing my children to make their own mistakes and finding an appropriate healthy balance between loving them dearly whilst resisting the urge to take control.
And I will be gentle with myself as I navigate these new pathways, remembering that there is no good or bad, that on the spectrum of polarity, it just is.
As Julia Cameron, author of The Artist Way and The Vein of Gold says:
“Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward one step back. Remember that and be very gentle with yourself. A creative recovery is a healing process. You are capable of great things on Tuesday, but by Wednesday you may slide backwards. This is normal. Growth occurs in spurts. You may lie dormant sometimes. Do not be discouraged. Think of it as resting”.