I’ve been in a period of chaos lately. I moved house, stepping from one chapter into another.
It has been chaotic. From literally closing the door on one house without knowing where I was moving into, to living without hot water, a fridge, washing machine or bed… in some ways this is chaos. I’ve caught myself feeling alarmed at how much I’ve been in my head, questioning whether I am really in my flow.
But the truth is, I’m probably more in my flow than I ever have been.
I’ve realised that I don’t tend to get stressed about big changes, I get stressed about little things. Right now I have a lot to think about and contend with – but in terms of alignment with myself, my desires and my values, I feel happier and more connected than ever.
What’s the difference between flow and alignment?
I’ve been reflecting, then, on the difference between alignment and being in flow. I generally use those words interchangeably, but is there a difference there?
When I think of flow, the image of a river comes to me. A river flows a lot faster when it’s been raining… sometimes in drought it just trickles… but very rarely does a river or a stream just stop flowing.
So, even when we feel we’re out of flow, we may just be realigning, leaving only a tiny movement there so that our flow can begin again. Alignment is the deeper process of shifting the course of the river to the right direction.
The other thing I’ve noticed is that even big change isn’t over quickly. It’s not all going to be perfect; there’s a massive element of the unknown. After a big change – a birth, a death, a move – then we discover what’s really going to be the impact of what has happened.
It’s like taking a new baby home after giving birth – that’s when you really find out how life is different. For me, it was moving to the new house and finding out the boiler had broken and none of the meters were labelled with the supplier. This is where the real work begins on this new chapter.
One thing at a time
You can’t do everything at once. We can only do one thing at a time. Moving house is so messy; I’m writing this with boxes all around me. Furniture everywhere. But this mess that I’m currently in; this chaos feels aligned. Before moving, the past few months felt very messy, sticky and hard. Yet from the outside, it looked like everything was in its place: in the right cupboard, on the right shelf!
Alignment means knowing you are on the right path. When I look at the chaos, I have an inward smile. The flow will come again, now that I’m in alignment.
Finding comfort in the chaos
People keep asking me “are you settled?”. It makes me smile – that idea of being “settled” is so powerful. Why can’t we be comfortable with change? Isn’t it funny how we want to avoid the darker stuff; anything that seems “negative”. But it’s all part and parcel of the big picture. Being unsettled is where I need to be right now, and I want to celebrate that, not push it away. I was “settled” for years, and this change is a really positive one for me.
I already feel as if I’m coming back to me. I’ve remembered just how resilient and tolerant I am. How I love to take a big risk from time to time and how that enables our growth…….and no matter what, things always turn out alright. Maybe not how you think they will, but in the grand scheme of things we are fundamentally ok. We are enough, always.