A picture is forming, in my mind’s eye that is. At last I can see what I want to create. A glimpse of what it looks like. I can’t help but wonder if this how an artist starts out? Do they have a clear image in their mind as they stare at a blank canvas or do they show up to the drawing board free from any preconceived ideas of what they maybe about to create?
My guess is there are artists that do a combination of both and artists who only create when they are clear on what the finished illustration will look like, and those who freely allow the paint to hit the canvas.
A bit like our approach to life I guess, no right way, or wrong way.
I’ve played with two similar concepts for the last 8 years or so. In the days when I was an avid goal setter, I would get clear on what I wanted, forming a SMART goal that was written down and then considering the necessary action steps to achieve the goal.
That’s how we have been taught to operate in the world, right?
Stepping into action, it often felt like I was pushing a boulder up a hill. I’d find myself jumping through hoops so as not to deviate from my end goal. It was tiring, constantly fighting to make things happen in the way I thought they should be and in the process I’d often miss opportunities as I was so blinkered.
Then the pendulum swung in completely the opposite direction. I discovered the wonder of letting go, trusting, allowing and surrender. I began setting intentions, and implemented the practice of getting out of my own way and allowing nature to take its course instead, rather like a flower blossoming – we do not force it open.
Magic began to occur – It’s how I grew Global Winning Women from one local networking group to 11 groups nationally.
More recently the pendulum has settled at a position of more or less equilibrium.
Starting A Year of My Soul from a goal-setting perspective, I probably would have listed all the topics I wanted to talk about. I would have put myself under undue pressure to post on a certain day, at a certain time. There would have been a sense of driven energy, which we associate with a very masculine way of working.
Instead, when I started this project a few weeks ago I was adamant that it didn’t need to be perfect. What was more important was to follow the urge to start writing and to see where it would lead me.
I couldn’t help myself. I was led by what wanted to come through me. Following a hunch or an urge – a knowing that did not come from thought, but that came from feeling. We often deny these feminine instincts.
Part of me wanted everything to be just so. But far stronger than that was the urge to write and share. (Just as when women give birth, the urge to push overrides everything).
This is about honouring both the masculine and feminine, and learning how to dance in unison with them. Healing the relationship we have with ourselves as women. Accepting that we are both yin and yang, both serving us in opposing ways. At different times each of energy “leads” the dance, and this creates flow.
Already I have come to realise that actually although this blog doesn’t have to be perfect, it does matter what the blog looks like to the reader. Aesthetics are important to me. Who knew!
This surprised me.
Why does it matter? Why does it bother me, even when it shouldn’t? What others think of me is really none of my business.
Not that I am going to be rushing to change anything just yet because what I am learning is what needs to take priority.
If I’d waited to get this perfect, if I worried about people’s perception of me, I would still be sat on the starting blocks. My priority is to create a regular writing habit and share the journey.
However, now I can see it. I can see the picture forming of how I would like to create this blog of how I want it to look, of how it wants to look. And that, in itself is exciting.
Photo credit: Abbi-Louise Marlowe