Moving into my new space – a change that represents the end of a long cycle – has unlocked a whole new set of emotions, feelings and understanding.
It’s amazing the difference knowing my life has moved on has made.
It feels like a new level of awakening. As though I’ve taken off a pair of glasses I’d been wearing after discovering they were the wrong prescription and suddenly, everything is clearer and brighter than it was. My eyes are open, and I’m seeing more clearly, like a newborn baby adjusting to the light outside the womb.
Curiously, I’ve moved into a house with a rooster living nearby – I’m hearing that wonderful crowing noise, the symbol of a new day. (It’s the year of the rooster, too!) It’s started me thinking about how we pay attention to new beginnings. I’ve been asking myself to really notice how this feels.
An image which comes to mind is of cutting way something old and dead, very delicately, with a sharp bladed implement..
A serene, feminine revealing, not like the “peeling back” or “tearing” metaphors I’ve used when letting things go suddenly or even aggressively.
This is more of a deliberate, conscious, precise paring away of what is ready to be released.
Or the opening of a shell, an oyster revealing the pearl within. Life feels like a bright jewel which has been exposed to me.
What new awakening feels like
I feel the difference in my heart space. An expansion, a softening. Someone said to me yesterday “you look 10 years younger!” so I know this new beginning is showing in my outward appearance too; how I present myself to the world.
Moving house has meant coming across a lot of old possessions. Rifling through boxes the other day I picked up a journal at random and opened a page. It was dated 2015, and I was journaling about feeling powerless and asking why I felt so stuck and helpless. I had shut down parts of me.
And now, those changes I was dreaming about but not quite ready to put into action have all come to pass. A part of me I’d suppressed or dulled for a long time is now coming into the light. It’s as though I’d put that part of me to sleep – anaesthetised it.
And, just as when we wake up from a sedative or an anaesthetic, there is a strange quality to this awakening. It takes time to ‘come round’. I’m not exactly afraid of being fully awake, but I’m not quite used to it. Even though I’m pretty intuitive, pretty connected to myself, I’ve just discovered this whole new level of connection.
Sometimes it’s only when we come out of a dark period that we are able to see just how challenging or difficult it was. We will hear the same message, on repeat, in different words from different people, until we get it.
And this new level is connected to all the lessons I’ve been learning over the past few years. About asking for help (more importantly practicing the art of receiving support), tapping into my personal power, saying “no” and maintaining my personal boundaries.